Blog #6: Turning Towards Your Spouse Instead of Away

Couples who turn towards each other instead of away tend to be happier. In Gottman's book, we read how turning towards your spouse puts "funds" in the "emotional bank account" of your relationship. The same as accumulating money in the bank,  the savings of this emotional bank account can prevent you and your spouse from going "bankrupt" when you're faced with a life-altering situation or conflict. 

It is important for us to not take our daily interactions with our spouse for granted, which is why turning towards our spouse instead of away is necessary for in order to maintain a meaningful connection. Many assume that dwindled romance can simply be recreated by escaping to Hawaii, or sitting at a candlelight dinner. Although these things are definitely beneficial for a relationship, if you neglect to keep up with these emotional "funds," chances are, the recreation attempt will be nothing short of a temporary fix. In fact, you may even end up having a miserable vacation/dinner. Turning towards your spouse is the ultimate way to be romantic. Genuine every day interaction speaks louder than a Hawaii getaway ever could.

In order to prevent losing your emotional funds, what are ways that you can improve in turning towards your spouse?

For me, turning towards my husband can be as simple as listening. A good example of this is going to bed at the same time as him. I'm a night owl (I know...terrible habit), so majority of the time I like to stay up late and either read a book or watch some television. My husband, already in bed, usually has to come out to the living room a few times and ask me to come to bed. Instead of turning away by saying that I want to stay up longer, I can turn towards my spouse and go to bed with him. He doesn't want to make me miserable by having me lay wide awake in bed, he wants me to be there to talk to him and lay with him as he falls asleep. Since it's 1:51 a.m. at the moment, I clearly haven't followed through with this tonight, but this chapter has definitely helped me put the situation in perspective.