Blog #7 - Looking to the Positive & Dealing With Irritations

I am proud to say that I am happily married. I love my husband. I love how intelligent he is, and how he seems to understand me more than any other person. I won't say that he doesn't irritate me and that we never argue, because that would be a lie. I think sometimes people expect to find a partner who they'll never argue or disagree with, and that often triggers disappointment when they notice that their relationship is flawed. I think we're setting ourselves up for failure if we expect imperfect people to have a perfect relationship. However, with Heavenly Father as the focal-point of our marriage, these imperfections and rough patches can become areas of growth instead of areas of dread. Realizing this has been a game changer for me.

"Any time we feel irritated with our spouses, that irritation is not an invitation to call our spouses to repentance, but an invitation to call ourselves to repent" (77. Goddard. Emphasis added).

When my husband says or does something that bothers me, it is extremely hard for me to express my irritation in an appropriate manner. So as you can imagine, this quote was a slap in the face to me. When I'm irritated with my husband, I often get short or snippy, which normally just escalates the problem. 

“Marriage provides an ideal setting for overcoming any tendency to be selfish or self-centered.” Richard G. Scott

I think it's important for everyone to remember to to see ourselves with compassion instead of irritation (pg. 77). This is not easy to do. For me, I sometimes get so caught up in my own emotions that I lose sight of the truth - it's not just my husband that needs to improve, but me, too. My husband has accepted me 100%, and I honestly don't think he would change a thing about me - no matter how irritated he gets about me not doing the dishes as much as he wishes I would. 

This week I have been trying to keep this quote from our chapter in mind: "Appreciating is more powerful than correcting." If I can turn towards my spouse by expressing my appreciation and admiration for him, it will make it easier to look past the irritations when times get tough. Life is perfect for nobody, and marriage an amazing  part of our imperfectly beautiful life. We can choose to dwell on the negative or hang on to the positive. It's a work in progress, but I love every minute of it. :)