When you think of the word "marriage," how do you imagine it to be? Do you think your love for that person would be constant? Do you imagine marriage to be the same as it was when you were dating the person, or would it be different? Although we all probably have the same responses when it comes to how we want to answer these questions, do you think it'll be easy?
I was really impressed by the readings this week. I was surprised at how much I found myself thinking of my own marriage and how I felt like a lot of the reading was directed to me specifically. My husband is my best friend, but I can say for the both of us, that marriage is not as easy as either of us thought it would. We've only been married for a year and a half, and we've already been through so much together. Marriage is both the hardest, and most rewarding relationship I've ever had. My husband annoys me, he makes me angry, he makes me laugh, he makes me smile, and most importantly, he helps me see my worth when I feel like I don't have any.
In Gottman's book, "The Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work," he talks about how "happy marriages are based on a deep friendship" (Pg. 21). Although Hollywood may cause us to think that marriage is centered around romance, if you don't have a deep friendship with your spouse, you're marriage might night be as meaningful as it could be. Romance is important, but a respectful friendship is a necessity.
Gottman also mentioned the Four Horseman and the ways that they can diminish the quality of a relationship. Like I said, marriage isn't perfect, so I think that it's normal to have these things creep into your relationship more often than we'd like them to, but it's important to not let the Four Horseman be evident in your daily interactions with your spouse.
The Four Horseman's are:
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling
Unfortunately, I thought of multiple interactions that I've had with my husband for each of these things, but almost brings me comfort to know that no relationship is perfect, because no person is perfect. We can, however, strive to improve. I know for me and my husband, we thought that marriage was going to be this never-ending love fest of butterflies and spontaneous gestures, but honestly, marriage is hard, but it is oh so worth the effort. My husband and I have a lot of things we need to improve both individually and as a couple, and I am so excited to read more about Gottman's marriage principals in order to help us do that.
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